Minding the gap.

Knowing ourselves, our values, and setting appropriate expectations.

Hi. I don’t know where the past few months have gone. I’ve been over here trying and thinking and living and feeling many, many things. I have plans and projects that just keep moving from one day to the next… and here we are. I always aim to do better, and by that I mean, sharing myself authentically, the way I intend to. I’ve realized that I feel pressure to do this, and so this year I made it a goal to share my authentic voice - and actually feel like it is safe to do so.

Today I was working on my Strange Forest series and listening to the latest More Happier from Happier with Gretchen Rubin, about knowing ourselves and our values and I had some insights! I took this Values Bridge quiz by Suzy Welch, which they talk about in the episode, and one of the most interesting things about this quiz is the information it gives you about your Authenticity Gap. It gives you an overall number, and an individual percentage for each value. One of my core values is Voice, and my gap is 100% 😂 It’s quite obvious to me. The reason is listed right there with the “Trade Offs” of this value in the quiz results, “You may face vulnerability or criticism for being open about your thoughts, beliefs, or identity, as not everyone values or respects outspoken authenticity.”

I noticed a few years ago that I don’t share as much as I think that I do. I hit delete on a text, meaning to rewrite it and feel overwhelmed, then forget. I don’t post something I’ve written. I hold back when sharing about my art - or don’t share it at all. I don’t say things because they might be used against me in a way I never meant. I also fear being taken out of context and being misunderstood. My fears are based on reality, where words and actions were twisted into tools to be used against me. It’s not that I care so much what other people think, it is that, in the past, sharing my authentic voice has directly affected my safety.

I have done an immense amount of healing, and yet…

I’ve been examining this need to express the self, and have it be received in some way. Where my instinct is to deny that I want to be seen because that’s vain, I feel like it’s more about a sound being heard, about hearing the sound delivered and echoed back, and all the information that gives about space and time… I think maybe for people with a Core Voice Value, it’s about reflection of ourselves within the world, about our relationship with ourselves and everything else, where we are and how we fit - or don’t.

I’ll keep contemplating, especially the suggestions from the quiz results to address the imbalance with creative outlets, supportive people, and making life changes to bring things more into alignment, because this is necessary work.

🖤✨